As a highly ambitious type A, big sister, I know what it’s like to be conflicted between wanting a soft life and also cultivating a life of meaningful work that’s independent of a man.

In this issue of Frugal Chic, we discuss:

A couple of years ago, I went down a rabbit hole of hypergamy content. It brought to my attention that I should perhaps be dating for financial benefit. I grew up in a left-wing household, so this went completely against anything my mum had told me growing up. As a young, impressionable early-20s-something, I fell for the dream. Leverage your looks, find a rich husband, and never have to worry about money again.

Let’s face it, it’s an alluring concept. You play the system, that is already rigged against us, to get financial freedom through someone else. No one judges men for dating for looks, so why judge a woman for dating for money? You’re relying on a male boss to pay your rent through your 9-5, so what’s the difference? Not only this, some creators preach that we should have our own business while doing this. It seems progressive, attractive, and possible, and for some, it may work a dream.

Now, this isn’t pointing at a singular creator, as it’s a general consensus now on social media, this whole idea of a clean girl who goes to pilates, drinks matcha, and shops. Let’s get one thing clear, don’t mistake this as me trying to shame traditionally feminine habits or behaviours, women are policed enough for that. What I am trying to say is I feel there’s an issue with normalising financial dependency.

I recently saw on a podcast someone say that these tradwife content creators are hypocritical because while they’re are preaching about not working, they are posting content, which is working. It can be misleading for impressionable young girls who think their whole lifestyle is provided for by a man, but really they have their own business.

We all know the dangers of financial dependency. If you move into a flat your boyfriend has bought and is paying a mortgage for, and you contribute to said ‘mortgage’ without legal steps in place, you walk away in a worse financial position while he’s building equity and wealth. Or if you have an older boyfriend that funds your lifestyle, what happens when the plug gets pulled? Some people of the hypergamy mindset might say ‘you can just go find another one’ but not everyone actually wants to date an older person. Let’s be real, in theory it’s funny and seems kind of edgy, but in reality, it could look a lot less glamorous.

As my frontal lobe is nearly ✨fully developed✨, it reiterated to me that:

Often this ‘I only drink matcha and shop’ mentality is a way to hide the lack of ambition a lot of women may have. While I did refer to this as ‘loser mentality’ to get your attention, I am not coming at this from a place of judgement. I used to think this too. Now, not everyone is ambitious, and that’s ok. But I think many women might have this mindset because they don’t know they can start businesses, negotiate higher pay, and start seeing themselves as rich women themsleves.

Here’s what shifted my mindset.

Last year I was basically on £12/hr when I broke it all down after tax, it was a graduate salary, I knew I had to start somewhere. However, I started to post content online sharing my passion for personal finance and it gained traction. At first, of course, I didn’t earn a penny from it. It was £100 here and there.

In the last few months, it skyrocketed. I started to learn what to charge, how to negotiate. Now I recently had my first 5-figure month, I became a high earner quickly and realised what it felt like to finally be able to afford the lifestyle I wanted. It would never occur to me to think a man would solve my financial problems, because I can solve them myself.

I went from being stuck in a 9-5 to quitting and working for myself. The key thing is, if you had asked me a few years ago if I thought it was possible, I would have said no. It was my limited belief in myself that caused me to look to external sources I thought would fix things for me.

I think this lack of knowledge, financial literacy, or foresight is why many women in their early 20s buy into this idea. If you were making £10k a month, yes, you still would want to date a rich man, but it would be because you, yourself, are a rich woman. Yes, you would want to find a man who was successful, but it would be because you’re looking for an equal.

I made a TikTok regarding this and of course, because it’s short form, it’s hard to be detailed or nuanced. I got comments saying ‘why does it have to be one or the other?’. The key is you can have both - your own financial stability and benefit from a man that provides value to your life (however that may look).

In my long-term relationship, I am with my university sweetheart. He’s the same age as me. It’s unrealistic for him to fund my entire lifestyle when he’s also in his early 20s figuring out his career too. A lot of this ‘if he wanted to he would’ rhetoric suggests that a lot of our boyfriends should be acting like established 60-year-old CEOs, it’s absurd. The caveat is I let him treat me, gets me flowers, meals, treats, expensive perfume, etc. He started stepping up and going the extra mile because I started pouring into myself.

I don’t recognise the person I was before I started my own business or posting on social media. I was a people pleaser, shy, uncertain of how the world of work operated. Now, I have learnt so much. What I wish I could tell my younger self is having a rich boyfriend would not solve my problems, I could very easily solve them myself. Let me put this into perspective for you.

You think that the rich man is the easy route:

Now, I know this might sound like me turning into just another MLM guru trying to sell you a course, but hear me out: being a creator, in some form, is truly the key.

The creator economy is the soft life: being your own boss is, arguably, the future of work.

With AI taking over repetitive administrative tasks and entry-level jobs on the decline, it’s more important than ever to explore entrepreneurship in some capacity.

When I first thought of entrepreneurship when I was younger, I always thought about it as opening a coffee shop or selling a physical product.

Now I simply see it as independently getting paid for the value that you create, and I think we’re going to see a rise in generalists, people that are multifaceted and multiskilled, and that share their interests publicly.

I spoke about this in my last newsletter but I think there’s going to be a big wealth divide between people that consume and people that create.

Now, what do I mean by creation? Because I don’t just mean hopping on TikTok and doing a hot take or a day in the life.

I mean so many things when I say you could be a writer, journalist, fitness instructor, maths teacher.

The key is having an independent income source that is separate from your 9-5. What happened for me was that side hustle then turned into my main hustle.

Now I understand there’s luck, there’s privilege involved. There are a lot of different factors and it’s not easy to become a full-time creator, in fact, some people spend 5 to 10 years trying to achieve this life.

I’m not just saying okay, now go and quit your job and be a creator. I am just saying that you should have this element in some capacity in your life.

Because the ultimate goal, and something that I have achieved, is total time, location, and financial freedom.

Now I can work from anywhere in the world, I can choose my own schedule. I don’t have to create a Shopify store, start dropshipping, or freelance web design services as I previously thought.

I am independent. I am making my own money and that has given me the soft life.

I can now choose to wake up when I want, no alarm, and I just wish some people could realise that it took a year of grinding alongside a 9-5, showing up at 5 am filming videos.

It was a lot, but the result is something I could’ve never imagined.

I always wanted to achieve the same with the FIRE movement, which stands for Financial Independence Retire Early, and I wanted to achieve that by the age of 40.

But in a sense, I’ve already achieved it now. This is not me bragging, it is simply to inspire you to do the same if I could give anyone any bit of advice to start today.

So what are some ways that you can incorporate a soft life with being ambitious?

1. Build passive income streams

Dividends, digital products, ebooks, online courses, or affiliate links: frontload the work so your money eventually flows without you clocking in.

You could choose to start investing with a broker like XTB. (AD | This newsletter has kindly been sponsored by XTB.)

Disclaimer: Your capital is at risk when investing. The value of investments and the income from them can fall as well as rise and you might lose the original amount invested. Fluctuations in such value and income can result from factors such as market movements and variations in exchange rates. Past performance is not a reliable indicator of future results.

2. Prioritise location independence

Choose work or side hustles that allow you to work from anywhere: remote jobs, freelancing, or content creation, so your mornings can start slow, even with ambition driving you. Examples include virtual assistance, remote tech jobs and sales etc.

3. Automate your finances

Soft life isn’t stressing about bills. Set up automatic investing, savings transfers, and bill payments so you can focus on switching off.

4. Invest in self-care as strategy, not luxury

Massages, pilates, therapy, and rest aren’t laziness, they’re high-return investments in your energy and productivity. I would much rather splurge on a massgage than getting my nails done, it feels a lot more restorative and what I would associate with self care.

5. Curate your work around your natural rhythm

Instead of forcing a 5am grind, design your schedule around your best energy hours. Something that I have been looking into recently is cycle syncing with your menstrual cycle. It’s about tracking your cycle phases and matching that up to work that suits you. It’s harder to do around a 9-5, but it could be something to aspire or strive to achieve or incorporate in small ways.

6. Build intellectual property (IP)

Coin a phrase, concept, or framework that becomes bigger than you. IP earns you credibility, opportunities, and royalties while you enjoy your matcha. When I came up with Frugal Chic, I had three literary agents reach out to me… If that’s not your sign I don’t know what is.

7. Learn high-income digital skills

Copywriting, UGC, design, coding, consulting: skills you can monetise from anywhere.

8. Blend lifestyle content with your work

Monetise what you already enjoy: shopping, routines, vlogs. Documenting your life lets your ambition fund your lifestyle instead of drain it. The real skill is learning storytelling and branding, this is what sets apart a generic vlog from a piece of ‘hero content’.

9. Build “lazy girl” assets

Anything that pays you while you sleep: a YouTube backlog, a blog, Pinterest traffic, Etsy templates, digital downloads.

10. Set ambitious financial goals but soft daily practices

Dream big: FIRE, seven figures, full independence, but allow yourself to get there with ease, routines, and systems that prevent burnout. Have ambitious financial goals. One of mine was crazy, to reach £1,000,000 by 40, but now that seems way more achievable since I’ve started to make more consistently.

So, this goes to show that there are many ways to achieve the soft life, or the freedom we all crave.

Here’s my unpopular opinion: there will always be a period of sacrifice. A season where you narrow your focus, develop tunnel vision on success, and dedicate yourself to one goal, even if it means neglecting other areas. Why? Because you see the long-term vision.

The light at the end of that tunnel is autonomy, the ability to choose your own path, make unreal amounts of money for yourself, and design the life you actually want.

It takes sacrifice. The irony is this: a soft life requires hard work first.

That’s all this week,

Mia x

Resources (these contain affiliate links): https://stan.store/Miarosemcgrath

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